There is a reminiscent feeling attached to high school. Especially the school where I have attended the past 3 years, from grades 10 to 12. So much happened and seemingly affected the course of my life forever. But in retrospect, the past four years make up less than a quarter of my life. Every day that passes will make high school a smaller portion of the life I have lived. I don’t know whether that is good or bad. Here are some of my realizations and reflections.
I have been incredibly fortunate, that is something I know for sure. Many people have made me realize this, some more than others. I am known to dislike the school system, it is even next to my grad quote in the yearbook. However, I have been an incredible part of this journey that most children get to experience, but not all children. Upon being literally told this by my girlfriend, I never truly realized how lucky I was. It is a system completely out of date and lacking in many aspects, that is something I cannot forget. Although, I am one of the children on this planet capable of being educated, even if it isn’t necessarily the proper way. This took me much longer to fully realize than I expected. I have the privilege to write these words, to read the books that I read, to learn the subjects I learn in school.
Does this mean I have no right to criticize the current system, to identify faults in order to make it better? I don’t believe so.
“But, Cameron, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” In many ways our school system is broken. We are being taught skills that were needed in a workforce 20-30 years ago and that workforce no longer exists. The current job landscape of the modern world faces enormous change on a yearly basis in contemporary North America. Gen Z, the largest generation known to the Earth thus far, comprising of children from late 1900’s up to 2010, will be taking the jobs of aging Baby Boomers. I am very optimistic about the future of our generation as education rates continue to increase. To clarify, the system may work fine, but so does Communism, supposedly. The point is to improve our current system, make small changes, experiment, improve the way we think, for our future.
You are and always will be your harshest critic.
There is virtually nothing standing between what I could be and what I want to be. Currently, it is as though the course of my life has been superposed with what I want in life. If school has taught me anything, it is that there is no way to know the outcome of where I end up in life.
So why bother thinking about it?
I truly have no general answer to this question. I think about it because I enjoy it. Every single action I take will have an impact on future events in my life. Not to mention the instantaneous effects my actions will have on other people’s lives. It is easy to forget this. Our lives are extraordinarily large circles all coinciding and connecting, no one has the same circle. I like the circle reference because it is closed, continuous and everything comes back around. However, all of our circles are travelling in a line, if you choose to view it as I do. This line is what we call time. Supposedly, time has always been and always will be. Regardless of our existence, time will progress, the 4th dimension.
Improve the way you think and learn how to learn.
Matter of factly, I am unsure as to why I chose to write this. Pondering the past seems like a gargantuan waste of time if we are thinking about things logically. Perhaps it as an attempt to explain myself. Why I have become me. What events, thoughts, ideas, books, conversations, songs, relationships, encounters, tragedies and moments have shaped Cameron Thomas Lamoureux? Is this worth pondering? Quite frankly I don’t think so.
You might now be thinking: “What’s the difference between thinking about what you could be as opposed to why you are who you are right now, Cameron?” Well, let me tell you.
Thinking about possible versions of myself is much more prosperous and positive. There are an infinite amount of outcomes in the grand scheme of my life. However, the 4th dimension never fails to come bite me in the ass right when I start thinking all positive and lovey-dovey about the grand scheme of mankind. Life is short. We all know this yet we never admit it to ourselves.
I do not want this post to lead you into some depressive feedback loop where you begin thinking about how little you’ve achieved in life and how you need to get your act together before it’s too late and no one remembers you after you’re gone and you don’t know what to start with because there are so many things you need to do and instead of starting small you remain stagnant because inertia is a very powerful force, Newton knew this, and next thing you know eight years have gone by and you have a girlfriend you’ve been dating for four of the last eight years and all she wants is to get married and now you’re stuck thinking why she would want to marry your sorry ass who still hasn’t accomplished anything in life and has nothing to show for his petty, minute, worthless existence, but you get married anyway and have children and you work a job you somewhat enjoy, because of the people, and your kid is growing up so fast which shows you how little you’ve done so you begin vicariously living through your child trying to get the little piece of yourself remembered in the grand scheme of mankind and you don’t know why your little kid doesn’t try harder because you work this job you thoroughly dislike every damn day to provide for him, and your wife doesn’t spend any more time with you than the kid and every little thing you do in life is now governed by the little piece of sperm that made it to your wife’s egg and now you’re getting ready to retire and your savings are depleted because you spent it all sending your kid Ivy League because they need to be remembered in the universe all the while you still have not accomplished one single thing. Anything.
The beginning only starts when you do.
Do not over-generalize your life. It is yours and the time you spend doing the googolplex of things you will do in your life are completely up to you. Have no regrets and live purposefully, enlighten others, or yourself, fall in love, get hurt, become a better person, provide for others, create meaningful relationships, and then some.
Perhaps as humans we look back negatively on our pasts in order to prepare us for our futures, to know what to avoid, how to handle life as it hits us unexpectedly. We remember the bad things because there are far more emotions related to negative thoughts than positive ones. We describe our negative thoughts much easier, they are more vivid and powerful. Do not let this get in the way of what is possible.
You may now be asking: “Cameron, if thinking about the past is bad, and thinking too much about the future is bad too, what’s left to think to about?”
Nothing. The answer is nothing. Eliminate all thoughts and you will live a happy, sheltered, numb life.
Self-doubt, hesitation and the desire to fit in.
There is very little time for self-doubt and criticism. As cheesy as it may sound, live passionately and make mistakes. Be open and communicative about how you feel on a daily basis until it is built into your daily routine. I am still working on this. You do not want to end up wishing you had said something when you had the chance. Or even worst, lying to others and yourself in terms of what you really want. Be honest, with others and most importantly yourself. No one deserves to be lied to.
Feelings left unsaid will go from the heart to the head.
When feelings get to your head they are more than likely overthought. Overthinking leads to many lonely nights staring at the bedroom ceiling wondering why you are not good enough to be where you want to be. Quit wasting your time and go to bed.