Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about why I write blog posts. Or really why I do anything. Not for any specific reason but mainly because I find the thoughts amusing. What merit do any of my actions have on Earth? in the Universe? to others? What I’ve come to conclude w/r/t writing is that I write to myself, for myself. There is no other reason. That is the sub-stratum beneath every single post I have written and perhaps everything I will write from this point forward. Does that mean I should continue? I am not saying that your opinion matters in this case. I am questioning myself. I am questioning everything that I surround myself with every single day because I cannot explain it.

There are so many things that I – nor anyone – can explain. This doesn’t mean it isn’t worth a try. After all, it’s fun. It makes life a little more interesting. A Saturday night spent engaging in lively conversation about the point of your existence would certainly prove more beneficial than a Netflix binge of “The Good Place” but that does not mean there is not room for both.

I’ve become increasingly hard on myself lately. I do not know why. There is something at the back of my head screaming at me telling me to do better. That I am not enough. That I will never be enough. I’ve come to see these screams as whispers and disregard them as subconscious notions of self-improvement motto’s that have been drilled into my head over the past couple years. This does not add up. I am really tired of feeling like I am not enough because I know that it isn’t true. I just want to sit in my room alone and contemplate my existence without having to remind myself that my existence is useless and everything is futile. I feel like Jon the Savage, D-503 or Winston Smith: like society forces me to behave in some fashion and I must do my best to refute that ideology while adhering to it. It’s a somewhat painful way to go through life and I can’t say I enjoy it all that much in retrospect.

Even this blog – which started as a project with potential for self-discovery, introspection and a novel way to express myself – has become a tool to project myself into mainstream media while I allow my thoughts to be judged by people I barely know. I admit this is becoming somewhat of a manifesto, which was not my intention. I suppose there were just some things I needed to say.

I do not care what anyone thinks about the things I write. Until I learn to become separated by the facade of mainstream media I will not be posting on this blog. It does not feel right.

I do not endorse this Tortured Artist Fallacy. I do not have to resent myself or the society in which I live in order to create great art. I think there is far more to my existence than meets the eye of the Internet. Until I feel comfortable with that existence and my ability to write about it, this is The End.

The last ten or so blog posts of mine have been a rant with myself about how overwhelmed I feel and how little I seem to think of myself, or at least that is how I’ve seen and felt about it. That is not okay. Although, as I mentioned earlier, the sub-stratum beneath every post is myself. That is why I write, for me. But that doesn’t need to be the case. I don’t want that to be the case. Or at least I don’t want to make it so blatantly obvious to you. This blog is not a place for me to complain about my problems and vent. It is a place for me to express myself and the issues that I see arising in society (or in my own head). But I feel like I have been complaining far too much and that does a disservice to everyone, including myself.

So, with a tinge of sadness and regret,

goodbye, blog posts.

They’ll all still be here of course. Just goodbye for now I guess.


An Interview with Myself

The idea behind this interview came from my recent reading of a newly published interview by Eduardo Lago with David Foster Wallace. I am not sure why I was so interested in this interview.

If interviewing yourself is somehow wrong, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Continue reading “An Interview with Myself”

Is Philosophy Worth It?

I have been a basketball player for the majority of my life. I enjoy basketball and most sports to this day. However, I no longer play. In the 11th grade I began reading seriously, as in, actually enjoying it. Previously, reading to me was what it would have been to any other jock that grew up on sports, irrelevant. Now, I read, think and try my best at writing. I’m still learning, as we all are.

My transition from basketballs to books arose out of pure curiosity. I’m glad for that. I was never forced to read, write or question the way I thought about life. Had I been forced, who knows how much I would resent the topics of Philosophy, Psychology, Computer Science, Literature and History.

I enjoy writing. I prefer reading. But I love philosophy. I don’t know why. There is something constantly drawing me in, further and further down the rabbit hole. Whether it be Reality, Art, Beauty, Love, Thinking, Consciousness, Ethics, Logic, I am enthralled each and every day by the concepts of philosophical inquiry.

I receive a lot of judgement — and support — from my parents when it comes to learning. I’ve realized that much of what I have learned over the course of my life has been dictated by the best intentions of others. Though this may seem justifiable on the surface, it has ultimately led me nowhere from an educational perspective.

“I would’ve loved to learn this when I was your age, you should learn it.”

“You know, Philosophy won’t help you one bit in today’s modern economy, how about Physics?”

“How could you possibly waste money on a Philosophy degree? At least take English instead.”

There are thousands more examples of this semi-condescending, parental, I-am-more-educated-than-you approach that others take when discussing the general education of someone else.

Stop it. Right now, Today. Do not tell me what anyone should/can/ought to learn. Frankly, I don’t believe anyone has a better opinion than you do when it comes to your own individual learning.

Am I going to War? Is there something so pressing that I must immediately prepare for the upcoming battle lying ahead of me after University called Life? Well, yes. However, just because life is going to hit me smack-dab in the face after University does not mean I should spend time resenting my educational pursuits. And who is anyone but yourself to tell you how to prepare for that thing called Life? People are not that well off, no one is that educated. There is no Oracle telling you where to focus your brainpower at this very moment for a life of endless pleasure and comfort after University. Spoiler Alert: neither the Oracle or the perfect life exist. Follow your interests and make them useful to you.

Philosophy has taught me how to learn, how to love the life that I live, how to lead a life worth living, and most of all, how to live, in practice, not just in my head. But also in my head.

According to my father, Steve Martin says it best:

“[With] philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.” -Steve Martin

Though what Steve Martin says rings true, I don’t see this as something to avoid. Even if (hypothetically) Philosophy does screw me up for the rest of my life, I’d be much worse off if I simply gave up learning altogether.


Learning and Living

As I take a step back in preparation for my first year in University, I’ve come to notice some patterns that I use to approach learning, particularly when it comes to new subjects. In order to develop some context I’d like to give you an example of what my previous approach looked like throughout grade school and high school until grade 12: Continue reading “Learning and Living”

Ad Personalization: How Society Knows You

Ads are everywhere. We see them, we click on them, we very rarely enjoy them. However, one thing that has revolutionized the Advertising Industry over the last decade is Ad Personalization. This software has completely changed ads over the years and it is now becoming more important than ever to be aware of what corporations know about you (I’ve also been watching way too much Mr. Robot).  Continue reading “Ad Personalization: How Society Knows You”

Box Theory

Where did all these boxes come from?

It seems like everything we do happens inside a box, inside a bigger box, inside a bigger box, ad infinitum. For most of us, there is nothing else. We eat in a box, sleep in a box, work in a box, anything and everything happens inside a box. By box I mean something created for the human species to occupy, take care of and expand. There are physical boxes outside of us, but there are also theoretical boxes inside of us. We must pay just as much attention to the latter kind. Continue reading “Box Theory”

Careers and Complaints

I often feel as though I am not qualified enough to discuss certain topics, write certain words, draw certain drawings, read certain books, go certain places, reach out to certain people; every area of life contains people more “qualified” than I. Thinking about why I feel this way, I’ve come to realize that it’s incredibly self destructive and it needs to stop. It is the only way for me to grow and increase my knowledge, discover new areas of life. The worst thing that I, or anyone, could possibly do is hesitate to seize an opportunity because of the fear of their credentials. They mean absolutely nothing. Continue reading “Careers and Complaints”

We are all Dying and it is Okay

How does one begin to talk about Death?

The Omnipotent never-changing ruler of Life.

I am only 18 years old and I have already begun thinking about such trivialities. Is Death really so trivial? I believe it is the underlying truth lying in secret behind all of our daily routines. As far as we know, there is nothing after Death. Death is the Universe. It controls all life. What is there to do about this? Continue reading “We are all Dying and it is Okay”

If This Isn’t Life, What Is?

There is a reminiscent feeling attached to high school. Especially the school where I have attended the past 3 years, from grades 10 to 12. So much happened and seemingly affected the course of my life forever. But in retrospect, the past four years make up less than a quarter of my life. Every day that passes will make high school a smaller portion of the life I have lived. I don’t know whether that is good or bad. Here are some of my realizations and reflections. Continue reading “If This Isn’t Life, What Is?”